05 March 2011

Running to Stand Still

JG and I had a late night conversation recently about me being sick and "doing too much". Sometimes JG and others get concerned about me doing so much and me pushing myself too hard. At times doing things when maybe I should be resting or something like that.

I will admit there are times, when in my mind I think, geez I would love to just crawl back into bed and sleep for a few more hours. Times when sitting in the shower thinking, man it would be so nice to relax in a hot bathtub to loosen my hips or shoulders, and enjoy the hot steam in my lungs. But who doesn't have these thoughts. Just because I have a better excuse to do those things some days doesn't always mean I should give in.

There is a reality to living with a long-term illness. That reality is that sometimes I don't feel great but life has to continue. Most people in life can stop when they are sick. They stay in bed for a few days until they are better. They miss a function here or a dinner date there. They stay home instead of going with the kids somewhere. They always have plenty of time to see the kids playing in the park, or doing their little dances. They can always hit the next movie with their friends or hang out some other time.

The reality of living 100 years in potentially only 50 years is that I gotta squeeze twice as much in. I can’t just sit out and wait for the next game. I can’t just wait until spring to see the kids playing in the park. I won’t just wait around for the next show to see my friends and hang out. Life waits for no man. And for some of us, life is rushing past at double speed.

There may come a time when I don’t have a choice anymore about staying behind or not visiting others. A time when those choices are made for me, similar to my choice for waterskiing, mountain biking, jogging or snowboarding (refer here). But until then I will push the very edges of my health. I will live life as much as I can stand, until I cannot stand. I will suck wind carrying crap up the stairs, because I still can. I will hack and sneeze and cough when raking leaves because I can.

Please be advised, I will continue to worry people, until I must stand still.

1 comment:

Jamie said...

With CF that is about the only way we can live :) I admire this post, As long as you're balancing both your health needs and your "life" needs. I am pretty sure you are. You're doing very well for being such an "old CFer" lol.