05 December 2006

There and back

So, as you can see it's been quite a while since I have been here. Work is getting busy and so is life. It goes up and down. Unfortunately this is one of those down times. Not sick, actually as far as CF goes I am probably better than I have been for a long time. But life continues to crash in on us. Things go wrong, expectations are not met. Friends forget things they shouldn't, and family that you thought were the only people in the world to understand, suddenly show they don't.
It is something that I have to be reminded of sometimes. It is something that comes from one of my favorite books in the world. You may recognize it:

"You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view... Until you climb inside of his skin and walk around in it."

It comes from To Kill a Mockingbird. Sometimes I will go a long time with a friend or colleague or family member, and think that because they listen and say the right things and do the right things for a long time, that they finally understand me... Not just CF but me with CF, we are one.
But slowly time after time they all fade away and disappoint. Last week, one of those times came. It is always a shock. It always hurts just a little, but this time it was someone who was going on 20 years of "understanding", and in one careless statement it all washed away. I realized that not even this person understood. Nor would they ever understand. This time it hurt bad. I was not prepared to deal with the pain and frustration of it. It took me a good 4 days to recover enough to even function on a normal level again instead of just in existence mode. Someday I may share what happened, but the pain right now is too new.
My advice for everyone... everyone!
Pay attention here.

Sometimes there are things that you don't understand.

Don't judge.
Period.
We see the person parking in the Handicap stall, and they don't look sick.
You never know.
Some people have to make hard decisions in their lives. We don't always know why.
Don't try to solve their problems... support the decision and maybe it would be ok to walk on eggshells just a little with some things that may be hard for them.
Or maybe it will take them longer to be happy for you... when you get what you want and they don't.
Maybe you could be understanding about that.
Enough of my soapbox, you get the idea. Anyway, I should be back now.